Patawad
by Ao Sekai
Summary: Inspired by Prodigy's Winter. It is "what if" theme. Regrets always come last. Sometimes we should always feel pain in order to learn or have experience.


PATAWAD

n. -Filipino word means forgiveness

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Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII belongs to Square-Enix. Most of the paragraphs are belong to Prodigy.

I messaged Prodigy last August 28, 2012 asking a permission to base a fanfic off Winter. It's a great fanfic and I've come up with something that **'what if theme'**. What if it went to another direction? He told me that reason not to elaborate what happened to Squall five months later while Rinoa was with Owin that time because he told me that it is up to the reader's imagination. So I guess that means he gave everybody an opportunity.

I turn this story in a very tragic way because although most of you used to be in a good ending just like me but sometimes reality is not so kind. It happens.

I used the song "Kasalanan" (sin in English) by 6cyclemind feat. Gloc 9 but since it was written and sang in Tagalog I have to make an English translation for you guys to understand. Search on Youtube. Please. If you still don't then ask Kuchiki Jeanne, she knows better than I do. (sniff, sniff, sniff)

* * *

_**Forgiveness is a word, some kind of a punishment. You only say this when everything is too late and you cannot return those bonds you'd shared. It's just like a mud wiped rudely across on your face.**_

_**To you everything is annoyance coz you don't want to give way while he was giving what he had even his last piece to you. You look like a worthless that doesn't thinking, you don't feel anything. Try to close your eyes; you do not remember, always worrying only about you. Nothing else but you and didn't ever think about both of you.  
**_

_**You are fortunate if you say sorry and feels upset, they'll hurt and tell you harsh words rather than talk to them and they won't answer. Embrace them and they'll be unreachable.**_

* * *

"Do you know what I did as soon as I got home? I cried...uncontrollably," Rinoa finished, squeezing his hand tighter.

Quistis teared up even more and lied a hand on her shoulder, and found the strength to hide the sadness in her voice, "Because you remembered Squall?" she questioned, but Rinoa didn't answer for a good minute. Finally, she shifted in her seat and leaned towards Squall.

"No..." she gasped out heavily and panted, as if something had been switched on inside of her, and she was able to feel feelings again.

After several moments, she looked back at Quisis, with tears streaming down her face for the umpteenth time, "Because I let myself forget about him.." Rinoa claimed, crying heavier with each word she spoke until she fell to the floor on her knees, and cried against the bedpost. Qustis began crying too and kneeled down next to her friend, wrapping her arms around her.

"Rinoa.." she tried to console her, as Rinoa just wrapped her arms around Quistis and they began crying heavily into each other's arms.

In the midst of the sounds of the cries, another sound flooded the room.

The steady, annoying beeping had turned into a continuous gentle buzzing.

The buzzing was accompanied by a flat green line.

Everything...just...froze.

-From Winter by Prodigy

The instructor hurriedly called for help and the paramedics rushed off to the room doing everything they could as if they were chasing a deadline but the continuous buzzing sound remains, they finally stopped.

"Time of death 10:30am."

"No, I won't give up! Let me in." Rinoa is the only one who refuses to accept the fact forcing herself inside the room using her sorceress powers to bring him back but it's futile.

"No Rinoa, stop it! There's nothing we can do about it. He may be your knight but he's human that feels any pain and dies." The martial artist is holding her on both shoulders with tears in his eyes. The sorceress wards him off and continues her doing hoping for a miracle but the results still the same. "Squall please, wake up! I am here with you. Please listen to me."

No response.

Zell is finally able to stop her and let the staff remove whatever objects attach to his body, tubes, oxygen mask etc and then they cover his body with a white cloth.

Quistis pull out her mobile phone maybe calling Laguna and Ellone to tell them the tragic news sobbing.

She has no choice but to embrace his dead body just like she did when he was trapped in time compression. Irvine and Selphie approach Rinoa offering any comfort or support for a friend who is suffering the most.

Her world now was totally shattered into pieces. So many words to say and whatever mistakes she committed, it will forever be unforgiving. She believes that she's going to live a life forever full of regrets.

**Earlier Before 5 months**

**Yesterday, 10:30PM**

Squall just comes to Rinoa's room sleeping and whispers "Hey, about what I'd said earlier, I didn't mean it, I was just tired and you are still a part of me so don't get upset. Look, another mission came up and I'll be gone for one week. After that… you and I will be together whenever you want I promise.

He brushes her hair away from her cheek and kisses it. He looked at her one last time then leaves.

Unknown to him the raven haired woman was just pretending to be asleep. Very pissed and sad as well, she went up looking under her bed, pulls out her suitcase and starts to pack her things with stomping, thinking the same old shit that Squall told her always _"Damn you Squall, you proved me nothing since fifteen months. You never gave me an importance to your life even if I end up dead."_

She was so frustrated expecting that there might some changes in him when he came to her room. But nothing and it's really even the worst.

**Morning 8:45 while Squall was out for a SeeD mission**

"Are you sure you want to do this without saying goodbye to him?" Quistis asked her.

"No need. That fool is not use to it" Rinoa said with resentment.

"Hey hey Rin, you just broke with Squall, not with us." the playboy jokes on her.

"Don't worry, whatever happens we're always there for you" Zell said when he put a hand on her shoulder.

Selphie hugs her tightly crying and adding "Oh Rin, we're going to miss you very much."

"Thank you for everything and I'll never ever forget each and every one of you." She said with tears in her eyes. Her friends accompany her to the Garden's exit up to the Balamb Train Station.

**Three days later: Morning 11:00 **

"Commander Sir, your mission last week was a big success and since you are on a big break, how do you want to spend your celebration and with whom?

"I'm going to spend my time with my girlfriend finally." He said with full excitement.

"This is Crissie Marks reporting."

"Cut."

The gang just made it in time when they heard it and all of them start to feel low and Squall approaches them. Handle his reports to them and adding. "Look I'm going to shower and go to Rinoa…"

Quistis then raises her hand "Squall, you don't need to do that… um she's gone."

"What do you mean gone?"

"You still don't know Squall? She decided to leave Garden and said goodbye to us." Zell said it as Squall's eyes went wide _"What!?"_

He rushed to her room, opening the cabinet and drawer, everything was gone empty, and the only remains were her scent of her perfume and strawberry shampoo that gradually fades. He couldn't believe what he just saw, closes his eyes first hoping this is some kind of bad dream when he opens it again everything is still the same. His heart is beating faster too. _"You said goodbye to our friends. Only to me you didn't say that. How could you do that Rin? _He leans at the wall and slowly sits down then his hands cover his face feeling hurt of how she's been unfair to him.

His friends approach him led by Irvine trying to comfort him "Don't touch me! Just leave me alone."

The love-relationship guru raises both hands giving up "Okay okay but you know what, keep that up and nothings gonna change. If you really love her that much then get your lazy ass up and persuade her, court her, maybe, just maybe she's going to change her mind." They finally leave closing the door.

**March 3**

"Happy Birthday Rinoa."

"Thank you." The chocolate brown eyed girl is never been happy in her whole life. All of her loved ones are present even her father being angry at was there. Her friends at the Garden came over but she can see their exhaustion coming from their mission, just to cheer her up by giving their presents. She really thanks them all. After that she went back and forth hoping that **'he' **would show up, that he will finally changed since she left the Garden.

"Hey Rin what's wrong?" Selphie asked her what's on her mind.

"No nothing." She shakes her head "Come on let's have fun. Cheers"

It is almost midnight; her party was over and her friends left but still no signs of him. She been crying for him and doesn't remember how many times had passed and proved that he doesn't really care about her. She finally made a decision by **giving up on him**.

**March 6, morning**

He followed Irvine's advice by sending different types of flowers and chocolates in order to prove that he is really serious about her but…"I'm sorry sir. She just told me to return these items and asked me not to receive anything from you."

**March 6 noon**

The sound of her mobile phone got the attention of her friends. She checked on it and it's coming from Squall. "Huh, aren't you going to answer that call?" Laura asked her

She shakes her head then put her phone on silent mode and continued whatever interrupted: Their group project.

Not even passed thirty seconds Rinoa felt another call through the vibration of her phone, coming from the same person, she's starting to get upset, she finally decided to turn it off.

* * *

Once again he's been rejected.

"So how did it go? Zell asked him with a curiosity.

"Not good." Squall said shaking his head.

"Did you give her flowers buddy?" the gunman asked.

"I did that before remember? Just like you said." He answered with annoyance.

"I guess Squall, the only solution remains is for you to show up and talk to her face to face." The yellow dressed girl saying it to him like no other options.

**March 8 noon**

"Rinoa, wait let's talk about this. Why are you always avoiding me? I tried to call you but you're not answering back."

"That's because you're a big pain in my ass. Now quit pestering me!" She spat on him.

"Just listen to me please, well about the **'mission'** they offered to me…

Just hearing that word which echoes her mind and the main reason they broke up in the first place, that same old shit excuses, Rinoa's blood really got boiled up.

"I just want to tell you that…"

"Why don't you just leave!?" She says those words along with a slap on his face. Squall gasped and shocked. The people around them suddenly became witness all eyes focus on them. For Rinoa, what is the point of him doing it? It is no sense at all. At that point she doesn't have any regrets. She's catching her breath then turning her gaze away from him. "Don't ever come back." She said it softly but with anger.

Squall just tried to be calm as if he doesn't offended by that sentence but the truth is, he feels that his heart was impaled by an ice pick even worse than ice javelin that Edea used against him in Deling City. He feels so stupid for not realizing that he is too late. Nonetheless, he will never ever hurt her. He only nods and slowly walks away, he paused for a second and turned to face her and continues his cut words and said slowly with a rueful look on his face.

"I cancelled it, so that I can ask you to give me another chance, sort things out and spend my time with you... for the rest of my life."

He finally left her dejected and she is stunned by those words, for her there is no turning back. That's what she wants right? Then why feel guilty and tears now fall down from her eyes when he's gone.

**Two weeks before five months**

"We are waiting for you sir" the SeeD is talking to him through the phone.

"Alright, just stand-by and make sure that everything is in order from the soldiers and stocks." Squall replied with a serious tone and he hung up the phone and someone's knocking on his door.

He opens the door and its Zell, Quistis, Selphie and Irvine.

"S'up Squall?" Zell asks him with sadness on his face. All of them are silent and serious because on that mission, they know that there is a slim chance for them to make it back alive. Squall stands up and speaks "Everyone, this mission is different from any other, it cannot be compare to Ultemicia, so what I want to tell you this "LIVE."

And they saluted "YES SIR."

"Everyone, you go first, I have some business to do."

When the four left he stands up looking at the four corners of his office walking back and forth. He sits down once again and gets a clean piece of white paper, taking a deep breath; he starts to write, and tears start to fall from his eyes sobbing. He finally realized what was lost, what was slipping away from his grasp. Opens his drawer looking at a small velvet box and took the object inside it then puts it to envelope. Is he saying goodbye or something? And if that's the case, to whom?

**One week before five months**

"What is your status Squad C?" the commander asked them.

The squad leader answers him in a panic state "Terrible, our group lost two people and the other three were wounded. The enemies almost surround us"

"Alright, just hang-on and we will provide you back-ups." He hung up the telecom adding

"Zell, Selphie come with me, we should help them."

They reached their destination smoothly through van and did a good job like wiping dirt in their surroundings. Selphie and Zell gone out first from the abandoned house assuming that everything is alright now until…

*clang clang, kaboom* someone throws a very powerful grenade and the whole place is now on fire along with dust and smoke. The two went down covering the rescued cadets, turned around they're shocked at the site.

Selphie is screaming "Oh no, Squall! He's still there!"

Zell immediately go inside and sees someone that made his stomach went in knots and shouts.

"Squall is down! Someone please help us." He tries to remove the fallen debris on his lower body while his head was covered in blood.

The rest of them came over and giving him everything they have.

**Four Days before Five Months**

"Doctor, how is he?" Zell asked

"Everyone, due to explosion, he suffered severe head damage, his lower body was crushed and the worst part is the wound on his chest. I'm sorry but there is nothing left we could do. It's only a matter of time. I'm sorry." Dr. Kadowaki said with sorrowful expression on her face.

The waiting room is now flooding with strong emotions even the very strong guys could not hide it anymore.

Irvine punches the wall adding "Why, why it had come to this?" sobbing very hard.

"DAMN IT! WHY HIM?" Zell said although he might be a clown and energetic of the group became too emotional.

Selphie and Quistis only did crying hugging each other.

Laguna and Ellone just made it but when they see Squall in that state, they looked away, couldn't bear it any longer.

Selphie is asking "Quistis, we should tell Rinoa that…"

"No." she shakes her head out of breath "Let's leave her alone. She is having a peaceful life there now in Deling City so…"

"Quistis please" Laguna is begging "She has the right to know after all she is your friend."

The instructor sighs even though doesn't want to do this but she have to. She doesn't want to make Rinoa feel responsible for all of this. Dial up her number and the answering machine responds. She said the words almost chocked up"_**Rinoa...it's Quistis. ...you may want to get to Balamb Garden...it is Squall...he doesn't have much time left..." **_**_**

**Present Day: His Funeral **

The people in the Garden are all present donning their respective uniforms, after listening in an hour sermon. They all stand up trying to see their commander one last time before sending him in his final rest.

Time has come to the last part of funeral, the people close to Squall was exhausted in an one week vigil not only cried over him but to the woman he left and bracing themselves for what's going to happen next.

The priest said something one more time and then…Its starts to flood with emotions.

Rinoa approaches his coffin, leans on it and starts to cry again uncontrollably. She couldn't express her feelings because doing so would be pointless for he will not hear her anyway.

Her friends immediately come to her and comforting her and Quistis doesn't need to elaborate everything again since she said it before he dies.

"You'll never be alone Rin. We are still here." Zell said.

"Rinoa, Don't ever blame yourself. He told me everything; he said he was solely responsible for what happened between the two of you." Ellone said comforting her.

"Death is a part of being a soldier and it happens anytime in any circumstances so please stop it now." Laguna said sobbing, he gently pulls her away from his coffin and signals the grave personnel to finally lower and cover it with soil.

Then a cadet slowly approaches them and holding an envelope and hands it over to her with puffy face and red eyes.

"I saw this one attached to the folders on his desk when we were told by Instructor Trepe to clean up his office. I think it belongs to you."

Rinoa accepts and reads it along with Squall's voice in her mind:

_To My Dearest Rinoa,_

_ If you are reading this letter it means I am no longer here in this world. I'd tried to write you many times before but I don't know the right words. The truth is , I'm the one who should apologize for the mistakes that I made, being irresponsible knight and boyfriend, not being there for you when your father passed away, leaving you alone in every dinners, always running away from our problems and what's worst, I forgotten your birthday. I became too obsessed on accepting missions after missions and it came to the point that I totally forgot that there was one person who always waiting for me. I spent too much time on thinking what the hell went wrong between us and when I finally realized it, I was too late._

_ I don't blame you for leaving me behind and I don't have any rights to complain either so whatever the consequences for my irresponsible actions, I wholeheartedly do accept and for that I am truly sorry._

_ I am writing this letter if it turns out just in case that I won't be able to return alive from the mission. I want to tell you this although it's very selfish: That I always love you and I didn't give up on you even though you tell that don't ever come back. And you'll always be in my mind and heart as well. And this is my last words: Go on without me, and whatever good paths you choose I only wish for you to be happy. _

_ Thank you, I won't say goodbye instead until we meet again. _

_ Squall _

She is holding the letter along the envelope over her chest, tears streaming from her eyes and notices a foreign object inside. Looks at it and then…

"_Oh God…is he going to propose… to me?" _She looked up to them looking for answers

The gunman nods. "Yes, and it should be a surprise for you when he comes back from last week's mission."

Selphie speaks "He told you about didn't he? That time when he confronted you?"

Rinoa shakes her head and turned to Quistis and the instructor responds with tears on her eyes. "I found about it this morning when that cadet told me. He said Squall told him."

His reasons behind accepting several missions, everything he's done for: **it is all for her **

"_Squall, I should be the one who should apologize: for giving up on you, on us. I should even more patient. When I slapped you in front of many you just silently left, even in your death you'd never ever thinking of yourself. I…I… I'm so sorry, I didn't know anything all."_

**_We argued, we were screaming and almost pushed one another_**

**_In my anger, I left and didn't come back for you_**

**_Forgotten all the promises and love_**

**_Our vows to each other did not last long _**

**_The nights are my mornings and mornings are my nights _**

**_Waking up, I don't know who's beside me_**

**_It's always like this until I saw your picture inside my old wallet_**

**_I knew it, I searched myself, I saw, I realized it's still within you _**

**_Gathered up all my courage but why do I have a bad feeling _**

**_I approach you and looked into your eyes_**

**_While I'm praying that you tell me that still we can_**

**_You're not responding and it's like you're going so far away from me _**

**_Your love for me has totally dried up_**

Now, how can she start tomorrow without him by her side? How can she live alone now that the things will never ever be the same?

…..She had forgotten it a long time ago since she fell in love with him.

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**Author's Note:**

I just write 'Earlier Before 5 months' because I'm having difficulties when it comes to writing a time line. In my mind they broke up 2 months earlier, Rinoa and Owin developed their relationship it's been 5 months after. Correct me if wrong. If I sum it up, Rinoa and Squall broke-up their relationship 7 months passed. Well I'm going to cover my head just in case I'm wrong and you guys are probably going to throw a coin on my head. I just wanted to thank the following: Ashbear for inspiring me to write, Niqsta and Kuchiki Jeanne for giving me most of the reviews and most of all Prodigy for allowing me to use his stories as my reference.


End file.
